Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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