My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
