I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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