...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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