i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
