dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
