i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
