You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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