I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
