My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
