Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
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Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
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You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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