I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
