I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
