just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
