How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
