On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
