Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
