Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
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The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
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It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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