Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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