They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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