Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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