i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
