wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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