if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
