Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
