I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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