life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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