Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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