you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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