i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
This show inspires me to have sex in space
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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