I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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