You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
