drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
