ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
