I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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