i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
