went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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