SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
