Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
