believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
