I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
