I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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