Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
