ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
