Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
