Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
