bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
