Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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