he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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