if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
