my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
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as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
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btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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