Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
