He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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