I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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