Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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