I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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