She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
false alarm, still single
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
