and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I've blown a few things in my day
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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