Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
