I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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