Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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