It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
